Falling

Is it ok to let yourself fall sometimes? To just finally collapse, knowing you can build yourself back up later? When you are so overwhelmed and so anxious and so tired of being brave. I have nothing to be fearful of in my life. I am wonderfully blessed. I can't believe the beautiful life that has been given to me. So on nights like tonight when irrational, overwhelming, unexplainable fear overtake me I pretend it isn't happening. I'm not depressed. What could be depressing about my life? I'm not anxious. What is there to be fearful of? But on nights like tonight I just feel like giving in sometimes. I'm not saying this in a dangerous way, talking about giving in to depression usually leads in a harmful direction. I'm asking is it ok, just once, to let everyone know I'm really not okay tonight? To cry and scream and not be able to breathe but to do it openly, because somehow it is even more suffocating when it's held in. I'll be fine in the morning. I always am. Maybe not tomorrow night. It's the evenings that get me, I don't know why. I feel alone and afraid. I can't explain what I'm afraid of, only that I can't breathe while its got a hold on me. I want to cry. But I don't. I want to scream, but I don't. So I write.



I listened to this song and I cried. I cried harder than I have in a long time. Then I breathed.

http://youtu.be/myn8TdSNc4k