Darkness

So much darkness and grief around me. The world can be so gray sometimes. The loneliness and fear in this world is almost more than I can take. I have heard so many heartbreaking stories over the past few weeks. Children dying in burning homes. Cancer taking beautiful, loving mothers from their families. Shootings in theaters and malls and schools. Looking back at how Alzheimer's slowly erased an entire existence. Murders on the street. Alcohol and drugs destroying families. Sexual abuse. Abandonment. Husbands cheating on their wives. Young boys committing suicide after being bullied. Such grief. Agony. It fills every piece of you. It pushes in from every side, it crushes, it suffocates. The tears begin to fall and you wonder if they will ever stop, or if they even can ever stop. Sometimes you just have to let yourself cry like you've never cried before, until you feel there's nothing left of you. You weep- true weeping, not just crying- until you fall to your knees in complete exhaustion. How are you supposed to hold yourself together when everything you knew as being good and beautiful just turned so dark and desperate?

I truly feel that it is when darkness surrounds me that I am shown light most clearly. Grace touches my spirit, it lifts my heart, and it puts the bones back into my body. I can stand again for a moment. The pain is going to return, but for that one moment, the sun is warm on my face. I manage to hear a bird singing through the constant scream of thoughts in my head. I see glimpses of beauty instead of destruction. That little boy saved six other people from the fire before he died trying to save a seventh. That mother is with the Lord at this moment. The legacy of love she left behind will continue in the children she raised in the Lord, and in her children's children after that. That's beautiful. So can we dance? Maybe it's a slow dance, holding each other tight, just to know there is someone there. It won't be joyful. It will be heartbreaking and slow. We can barely stand, let alone move. We're just barely holding on. The darkness is upon us. Move away. Take a step. Then another. Listen to the music. Maybe it's a slow song. Quiet. Let it begin to heal. Let's celebrate grace. Let's enjoy tiny moments of laughter and happiness. When grief strikes us to the ground, He holds us. He puts His loving arms around us and clutches us to Him, refusing to give us to the darkness that reaches for us.

I still feel the pain. I still see the grief. The world still seems gray around me. The clouds above me are the darkest I've ever seen, but the light is still behind them. I can feel it. Maybe I can't see it quite yet. But it's there. The heartache is so very present. But the healing is on the horizon.