Maturity

I see it everywhere I turn. How immature I am. I have a standard of who I should be by now and almost no parts of my life match up to that standard. I have goals for the future, but none of those will ever be accomplished if I don't become a mature adult. And I don't mean physically. Physically, legally, I guess you could call me a woman. Or very close to that. A young woman, obviously, but I fit most of the standards. Physically, I have matured. I have grown. But spiritually, emotionally, and in almost every aspect of how I live my life, I still act as though I just started high school. This is a common problem among young adults, a lack of maturity. I've always hoped to be ahead of the crowd, more mature than some of my friends, more responsible and focused. Instead, I find myself right in there with the rest of them, making choices that aren't the wisest, and living my life in a way where I can get by without really trying. These choices, mostly stemming from pure laziness and selfishness, resulted in me having to repeat a class this next semester. It almost made me lose nearly $9,000 in scholarships. I don't think I could've continued school without that scholarship, at least not for long. I have high hopes, big dreams and expectations of where I would like to be in a few years. But then I look at my room that I haven't even tried to clean for two weeks. I think about the insane hours I've been keeping, going to bed at one or two in the morning and trying to wake up at 7:30. It's little things in my life that make me realize that I am so not a mature woman. I am an irresponsible girl. And I am ashamed of that. This isn't specifically intended to be a New Year's resolution or anything, to try to mature and become responsible. It just happens to come right after the new year begins. But it's gone to far. My unwillingness to work and take responsibility, my desire to just sit on my bed all day and read, or listen to music, or watch TV, do not indicate any type of growth. And it's time for that to change.