I lift my head and
open my eyes.
She stares back at me
from the mirror.
I see her eyes.
They show love to
other people.
But they are always
judgmental when they look at me.
She is critical and
unforgiving.
She doesn’t care what
I think of her, but she knows that I care what she thinks of me.
She knows everything about me.
And she doesn’t like
me.
She enjoys pointing
out the bad things.
She knows I care much
too much about what other people think about me.
She knows I have a
lazy and selfish side that comes out much too often.
She knows that I
obsess over my past actions and words.
She knows that I am
afraid of being unloved.
She knows that I am
insecure.
Sometimes, I see her
standing there, and I can feel her pulling me in.
She never blinks.
She just stares at
me.
I walk towards her.
I can feel her
disapproval as she looks at me.
The closer I walk,
the farther away she seems to be.
I begin to run after
her.
I don’t like her.
She hates me.
I’m not good enough.
But I’m running after
her approval.
If I could just catch
her, could I impress her?
If I changed the way
I dress, would she like me better?
If I change who I am,
will she approve?
I stop running.
I look behind me.
I’m running from a
beautiful life.
Am I running to gain
her admiration?
Why am I chasing
after her good opinion?
I have friends.
I am loved.
I’m not perfect.
But why do I need her approval?
She shows me only the
worst things about myself.
She doesn’t let me
look back on how I’ve been trying to grow.
She doesn’t let me
see how much I’ve depended on the Lord to change my bad habits.
She doesn’t let me
see the love of my family and friends.
She doesn’t let me
realize the blessings God has given me.
I turn my head in the
other direction.
I see brightness and
beauty.
My life is beautiful,
and it’s all through Christ.
I am beautiful, and it’s through Jesus’ cleansing blood.
My past is washed
clean.
My insecurities have
no foothold.
My fears have no
foundation.
I have Christ.
I turn from the girl
I’ve been chasing after.
I follow the light.
Mirrors are skewed.
They only show the
things behind you, not the things before you.
They find all the
worst parts of yourself, and lay them out clearly before you.
You become focused on
them.
If I stare into
those eyes in the mirror for too long, I find myself being sucked into them.
All the doubt and judgment
comes rushing back.
I forget the beauty
that lies before me.
I forget the love
that is waiting for me.
But then, I catch a
glimpse of Jesus’ light.
Then, I remember.
I turn from the
mirror.
I leave the girl
inside it behind.
I run to Jesus.
I run to love.
